


Anything it takes to make you stay

by vrepitsals



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: A little bit of angst with a happy ending, Adam is alive because no thank you Dreamworks, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, season 7
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-26
Updated: 2018-10-26
Packaged: 2019-08-07 15:52:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16411454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vrepitsals/pseuds/vrepitsals
Summary: "Unrequited love is messy, Keith. It never goes well. It could tear the team apart. I can't - I can't come, not with things the way they are now.""Allura understands-" vision Keith starts. This time Lance cuts him off."This isn't about Allura." Lance says, his voice gaining an edge for the first time in this conversation. It's the first proof that he does have a stake in it. "This is about me and you."While Keith is in the Quantum Abyss he sees a vision of Lance leaving the team and comes to a realization: he has to ensure Lance never finds out about his feelings.[An explanation of why Keith was so distant in s7]





	Anything it takes to make you stay

**Author's Note:**

> A lot of people have been trying to explain why Keith was so distant in season 7. This is what I came up with.
> 
> Follows canon, although Adam is alive because I saw what Dreamworks did and wasn't a fan.
> 
> Title is from (the appropriately titled) Blue by Troye Sivan.

The sun sinks over the horizon slowly, inch by inch, as if reminding Keith to savor it.

It should be beautiful. It should be awe-inspiring. It's the sun. Their sun. Earth's sun. It's the first proof the Quantum Abyss has given them that one day they will return home.

But something about the scene feels off. Perhaps it's the way that Keith sees his future-self hunched, arms crossed in the way that Keith knows is designed to give himself comfort when the outside world won't. Perhaps it's Lance's face, transfixed into the sympathetic mask of someone delivering terminal news. Perhaps it's the fact that Lance has a bandage wound around his arm, matching the one wrapped around vision Keith's head. It could be the hospital gowns they're wearing, or that they're sitting on the roof of the Galaxy Garrison, the one place on Earth Keith never wants to return.

Whatever it is, it takes this miracle and turns it ugly.

"Keith," future Lance says, leaning forward and softening his voice, "I can't go with you."

Keith feels a punch in his gut, feels the wind knock out of his chest and leave him breathless. He sees a mirrored reaction in the Keith of the vision, and what could be a choked sob cut off halfway through.

Keith watches his vision-self stop to regain his breath, and Keith tries to do the same, but his lungs refuse to fill.

_This is what it's like,_ Keith reminds himself, _on a team without Lance._

The ache in his lungs is familiar, it's been a constant companion during his time with the Blade, but he'd always hoped one day he'd soothe it for good.

But it's clear now that whatever respite this vision shows will be short-lived. Inconsequential, in the grand scheme of things.

_No_ , Keith reminds himself. Nothing about his team, nothing about Lance is inconsequential.

The Keith in the vision seems to come to a similar conclusion, because after a moment he does something that he has probably never done before.

He leans forward and begs.

"Please Lance," vision Keith pleads, his neutral mask breaking so resolutely that Keith can almost hear it shatter, "you're Voltron's right hand. The team needs you, we can't do this without you-"

Lance's reply is soft, but it rings through Keith's ears.

"This isn't about Voltron, Keith."

Lance looks to one side.

"I mean," he elaborates, "the fact that there are six of us means that I know I can stay. That you can manage without me. But that's not the reason why I can't come with you."

He says it with such finality, such resignation. However far into the future this is, it's clear that this is a decision born of weeks or months rather than days or hours.

"Then what-" vision Keith asks, cutting himself off halfway through the thought. But the two words are still enough to get his point across.

They're also sufficient to broadcast the panic seeping into his tone.

Keith steps closer, towards the vision, to ensure that he doesn't miss what Lance has to say. He feels Krolia shift behind him, but he can't work himself up enough to feel embarrassed right now.

He can work through those emotions once this is over, once he has answers.

Vision Lance sighs and his shoulders slump down so dramatically that Keith almost thinks they'll reach his knees. Lance opens his mouth three times before anything comes out, but the words themselves seem practiced.

"Unrequited love is messy, Keith. It never goes well. It could tear the team apart. I can't - I can't come, not with things the way they are now."

"Allura understands-" vision Keith starts. This time Lance cuts him off.

"This isn't about Allura," Lance says, his voice gaining an edge for the first time in this conversation. It's the first proof that he does have a stake in it. "This is about me and you."

Vision Keith opens his mouth immediately but the vision starts to fade before Keith can hear his reply. He tries to hold on just a little longer, just to see if there's a way to diffuse the situation, to convince Lance that he won't try and pressure him into anything.

He needs to know if there's a way to convince Lance to stay. He doesn't think he could handle losing him a second time.

The vision doesn't give the answer. It falls through his fingers like dust and leaves him standing in the cave he and Krolia share.

None of the subsequent visions give an answer either. Most of them show his past, or being attacked by a figure with Shiro's face. Keith doesn't see Lance again, and that first vision only serves to make him miss Lance more.

Krolia sits awkwardly on a rock and asks Keith if he wants to talk about it (he doesn't). He still has too many emotions to work through about Krolia, about her leaving him and everything that could have been different if she hadn't. He's not ready to pull her into emotions that don't concern her.

So Keith sits down by the river, he picks up a stick and doodles aimless shapes in the wet dirt as he tries to come up with some semblance of a plan.

Sometime in the future Lance finds out about Keith's feelings for him, and it prompts him to leave the team.

Keith has never been good at getting himself out of situations, only into them. If the conversation happens as he's seen it, he knows that he won't be able to convince Lance to stay. He doesn't have the people skills, the oratory skills, the emotional intelligence to solve it through conversation itself, not when he's going in blind.

The only real option Keith has is to cut this conversation off, to change the future before this vision can ever come to fruition.

The only real option he has is to ensure that Lance never finds out about his feelings.

It might already be too late. Keith did lean on Lance pretty heavily while Shiro was gone. He made it abundantly clear that Lance was the only one holding the team (and Keith, especially Keith) together.

His only choice is to do damage control now. Being gone with the Blade for so long is probably a point in his favor, although he'll need to ensure that he retains that distance emotionally when he re-joins the team.

He knows from the vision that he will one day re-join the team.  It's just about his only consolation.

Sometimes, sticking to the plan is easy. When he's on the space whale, for example, and there's no real way not to follow the plan (pining where Lance can't see him isn't really pining, after all). But sometimes it spikes in difficulty, abruptly and without warning. Like when they get back and Lance goes in for a hug immediately after calling Keith "cooler" and "bigger" and "grizzled".

Grizzled.

When this whole thing blows over Keith really needs to have a chat with Lance about appropriate teammate boundaries. If he and Lance are still teammates once this whole thing blows over that is.

It's fairly easy to ignore Lance when the stakes are so high. When he's focused on saving his brother from Haggar's clutches and leading the team against Lotor's mech.

Keith doesn't even have time to properly process how tenderly Lance had been holding Allura when he'd called them with news of the battle. How they hadn't sprung apart, but turned to face him with confidence, as if this was something established, something calm, something permanent.

_"Unrequited love is messy, Keith."_

_"This isn't about Allura. This is about me and you."_

Suddenly Lance's words in the vision have more context, but they make less sense. Why would Lance offer to stay behind if Allura was waiting for him on the ship? Would he go so far as to separate himself from his girlfriend just to avoid Keith?

Keith hopes it's a sign that they're veering away from the trajectory of the vision. Although he wonders if this new future will hurt any less, seeing Lance with someone else.

_At least,_ Keith thinks, _this way I won't lose Lance entirely._

He does his best to prepare himself for proof of Lance and Allura's relationship, in the few minutes after the battle when he's alone in the Black Lion. But when the team is back together, when they've assured Shiro's safety and take a few hours to sleep before they start the journey to Earth, Lance doesn't head over to Allura. He doesn't kiss her with enthusiasm or pick her up to spin her while she laughs. Instead he wanders over to Keith, and helps him carry Shiro into the Black Lion.

The relief must cloud Keith's judgement, because he allows his face to break into a smile as he thanks Lance. He realizes, just a second too late, how easily his adoration must shine out of the curve of his lips, how his eyes are no doubt shouting every one of Keith's secrets out into the open, into Lance's waiting ears.

"No problem man," Lance says, placing a hand on Keith's shoulder. He pauses for a moment, his gaze fixed on nothing and Keith frantically tries to school his expression into something unaffected.

"It's good to have you back," Lance pats Keith on the shoulder before he turns and leaves.

_It's good to be back._

Keith doesn't say it, because he has enough catching up to do as it is, but he thinks it. He's still allowed to be honest in the places that Lance can't see.

* * *

 

The catching up is hard, but Keith forces himself to stick to it during the journey home.

Lance catches Keith's hand to stop him falling off a ledge while they're looking for firewood, and Keith pulls back his hand as if burnt. Lance smiles at him across the fireplace and Keith suddenly finds great interest in checking Kosmo's fur for whatever is making the wolf so itchy. Lance slings an arm around his shoulder as he recounts when Sendak took over the castle to Romelle and Keith forces himself to stiffen, to pull away rather than lean in.

"What, no mention of the bonding moment?" Lance asks, teasing. Keith shrugs and looks away.

Keith hears Lance's story drop off into nothing, until Romelle prompts him with a question. Keith gets up to help Hunk check the lion's energy cores. By the time he lets himself look back, Lance is absorbed in the story once more, but the edges of his lips are turned down.

Lance calls Keith on their lions' private comms late one night, while all the lions are on autopilot and Keith pretends to be asleep.

Lance calls Keith on their lions' private comms during the day and Keith goes to the bathroom, leaving Shiro to answer.

Lance calls Keith on their lions' private comms in the evening and Keith answers with a curt "What?", as if Lance could ever be an inconvenience.

Keith restrains himself from calling Lance back on their lions' private comms and apologizing for everything.

Keith takes his and Lance's relationship and reverts it back to the last time it made any semblance of sense. To the rivalry that Lance made for them. To the rivalry that Keith hated.

 He still hates it.

But this time he intends to see it through.

When the team is captured by Bob, Keith lets the alien call Lance stupid without complaint. Again and again and again. He feels a stab of guilt at the hurt look that slowly engulfs Lance's face.

To be fair, the look is no longer an unfamiliar one. Ever since Keith re-joined the team Lance has been more withdrawn. Sometimes it's a result of Keith's actions, but sometimes it seems completely unrelated. No one else points it out, or seems to find it strange which adds more confusion to Keith's constructed chain of events. What has been happening while he was away?

Lance tries to stick up for himself to Bob, even as no one else does.

Keith waits for Allura to step in, to defend her boyfriend's honor, but she never does. Keith can't understand why she doesn't do anything.

If their positions were reversed, Keith knows he would have clambered over the podiums with his tied-together legs to punch Bob in the face by now. He would have cut Bob off before he could say anything. He would have poured all his love out in the way he looked at Lance between Bob's words.

But their positions aren't reversed, so Keith does nothing.

As the game progresses and Lance's determined expression grows fragile and eventually caves to resignation, Keith knows that this is going beyond love. It's going beyond friendship. It's even going beyond being a good teammate.

Keith, Lance's friend, should say something to stop it.

Keith, the leader of Voltron, needs to say something to stop it.

He doesn't.

A part of him knows that if he starts, he'll never stop. He'll keep talking of Lance's achievements until he's undone all of his progress. Until it's clear to everyone with eyes or ears what his feelings are for the Blue Paladin.

A much larger part of Keith wonders when he became so selfish, when he started valuing Lance's presence over his happiness.

Perhaps it's that thought that pushes him to vote for Lance's freedom. Perhaps it's merely the fact that Keith can't stop himself; Lance's happiness is one thing, but his life is entirely another.

He reasons that Allura will vote for Lance too. Lance will vote for Allura. As long as either Pidge or Hunk votes for someone other than Allura, then Lance will be at least tied for first place, even if he doesn't win outright.

If a tie occurs, Keith will unashamedly leverage his status as the pilot of the Black Lion to see Lance leave this place.

But then Allura votes for Pidge, and Keith's plan falls apart.

Bob calls him out for voting for Lance, and Keith translates "I don't want Lance to be stuck here forever with you," to "I don't want to be stuck with Lance forever" to cover his tracks.

Lance calls him the future. It's the last thing Keith deserves.

It compounds his guilt, just enough to momentarily weaken his resolve.

After they've woken up, in a brief relapse where Shiro and Krolia are off planning their next move, where Keith is alone, he calls Lance on their lions' private comms.

"You're not dumb," he says as soon as he sees Lance's face.

Lance blinks a few times before his smile catches up to the words.

"Thanks buddy."

Keith wills his body to do anything but blush. He crosses his arms and tries to look bored.

"Glad we cleared that up," Keith says and Lance laughs. It's a small fragile thing.

There's silence for a moment as Lance continues to look at him. His smile is not what it was before Shiro came back, before Keith left for the Blade. The very edges of Lance's lips don't lift up like they used to. It doesn't reach his eyes.

_Why don't you laugh like you used to_? Keith wants to ask _. What happened while I was away? Who made you doubt yourself?_

_Was it me?_

"You didn't vote for Allura," Keith breaks the silence, not realizing what he's said until the words are hanging heavy in the air.

"No." Lance agrees, as if he can't decide whether Keith's words are a question. Keith isn't really sure either. "Neither did you."

"No," Keith says, with nothing to follow it up.

They sit in silence until eventually Lance clears his throat and says he needs to go check on Kaltenecker.

Keith nods instead of speaking, and Lance shuffles for a moment before he mumbles out a goodbye.

_When did you stop being able to talk to me? When did we fall apart to nothing?_

Keith feels a rush of cold seep down the back of his throat, a feeling in his gut that tells him that leaving the conversation like this will spell disaster, will make things nothing but worse.

He refuses to let himself be selfish again. He refuses to put his happiness above Lance's. Before he can think twice, he breaks one of his rules.

"Lance, you're the best of us," Keith says in a light tone, as if it's nothing, and hangs up before Lance can reply.

He sits in silence for about five seconds, before Lance reappears in a flurry of disbelief. His face is stained with the colour of his lion. _Their lion_ , Keith thinks quietly.

"Did you just-"

"Just what?" Keith says, smirking as Lance grows more flustered.

"Just-" Lance cuts himself off, before he lets out a long breath. "What did you say? I must have heard it wrong."

"Lance," Keith starts, making sure he has Lance's full attention and that his voice is slow and clear, " _you_ are the best of us."

He smiles to show that it's not a joke, then he hangs up before Lance has a chance to react.

Lance calls him back, lets out an unholy shriek, and makes a big show of hitting the end call button before Keith can say anything. 

Keith finds himself half out of his chair, stomach hurting from the laughter still spilling out of his throat when Shiro and Krolia return. It's the most he's laughed since he joined the Blade. It's quite possibly the most he's laughed in his life.

"Are you okay Keith?" Shiro asks, resting a gentle hand on Keith's shoulder.

"Never better," Keith chokes between laughing fits, and it's not a lie.

* * *

 

Once the high of the conversation wears off Keith realizes that he has even more catching up to do now. Still, he can't bring himself to regret it, save for one small segment.

It was stupid of him to bring up Allura.

She doesn't matter, she can't matter in his relationship with Lance. Because the only way that she would matter is if his relationship with Lance was in any way comparable to Lance's relationship with her. And it's not such a far leap from that to reality: to Keith's feelings, to Lance leaving.

If the world was fair, Keith would have taken a few days to avoid both Lance and Allura. He would have gotten the image of Lance's small smile out of his head. He would have reminded himself the sake of Voltron's mission to the universe. He would have used it to push the feelings further down.

Lance leaving would destroy the team, would suck the air from their lungs. Keith knows this. He isn't quite sure why Lance doesn't.

If the world was fair, Keith would not have found himself stranded with the rest of his team in the middle of space. He would not have had to face the reality that Voltron may not make it through this.

If he was thinking clearly he'd remember that he's had visions of Earth, but it's hard to think clearly when he's going mad.

The rest of the team is losing it too, and from losing it comes honesty. Or perhaps, one step past honesty, to things they don't even quite know they're thinking.

Keith insults Allura's father. He knows she looks up to him. He knows that she lives her life trying to make his memory proud.

Keith doesn't know why, in this moment, that fact infuriates him so much.

Maybe because he's never had that. Maybe because his father is also gone, and Keith doesn't bring him out of his closet again and again, reminding himself and making the wound of his absence rawer. Maybe because Allura talking about Alfor reminds Keith of him.

Maybe it's just his jealousy lashing out at her. Jealousy that she can separate her father's memory from the pain. The twisting ugly feeling he has whenever he thinks about her relationship with the rest of the team, her relationship with Lance.

Lance calls him out for insulting his girlfriend. If Keith was thinking more clearly, he would have apologized, he would have wanted to apologize.

Instead he bares his teeth and seethes. Seethes that Lance would never defend him, seethes that deep down he knows Lance is right.

"You left Keith," Lance snarls, "maybe you should have just stayed away."

Maybe he should have.

He lost his chance with his team when he left. The only reason he's still piloting the Black Lion is because Shiro, the real Shiro deliberately stepped aside. Because the real Black Paladin, his brother in all but blood asked him for time to adjust before he was thrown back into a bond with the Black Lion.

The idea seems more sensible the longer he thinks on it. The team don't need him, Lance won't want him here when he finds out about Keith's feelings. Keith may not have loved being with the Blade, but he survived.

If there's one thing Keith's good at it's surviving.

Hunk grabs onto Keith's leg as he tries to fly away and won't let go.

Keith insults Hunk, who doesn't deserve it either, and the team devolve into angry shouts.

"Are we even friends?" Keith asks. All of them turn to face him, but he keeps his gaze locked on Lance.

Friends shouldn't devolve into this. Friends should be able to handle unrequited feelings.

No one gives an answer.

* * *

 

Seemingly against all odds, they make it home.

Keith had resigned himself to never seeing Earth's skies again, before the Quantum Abyss. He'd resigned himself to what they had to do: their lives on Earth for the sake of the universe, their homesickness for the freedom of everyone enslaved by the Galra.

The needs of the entire universe against Keith's own wants will only ever fall one way, no matter what scale he measures them on. He's accepted that. He's done plenty of things he's not proud of because of it. But he stands by them.

But in the Quantum Abyss he'd been kicked by a gift horse. He'd been granted with a nightmare taking place under Earth's skies. If Keith is honest, he's not really sure if he truly wants to return to Earth anymore.

As long as the team stays away, Lance stays with them.

No one else knows that though, and their joyous shouts are enthusiastic over the lions' comms. Even Keith can't quite keep his eyes dry as they finally gaze upon the blue and green planet.

However, when they touch down the sight is not pleasant.

Keith knows now why they were at the Garrison in that vision. It wasn't, as he'd hoped, merely a pit stop to a more pleasant location, the only place they could build a new castleship.

No. Instead it was the only safe place they could go. One of the few places that are still standing.

The dread weighing down Keith's gut grows the closer they get to the Garrison. He can feel the buzz of his teammate's anxiety grow to near-deafening levels, and he knows that as much as they have worked towards and longed for this moment, there is a part in all of them that wants to run.

The first person Keith notices as they pull up to the Garrison courtyard is Iverson. He looks much the same as ever, although he no longer seems to have the use of his left eye. He doesn't remember that about him, the last time Keith had seen him, the time that Keith threw the punch that ensured his expulsion.

Iverson was one of the main reasons Keith swore he'd never return to the Garrison, but right now seeing any other living person lightens Keith's heart.

Next to him stands Sam Holt, who Keith has heard stories about, has seen through the comms at meetings but who has never actually met. Beside him is a woman who can only be Pidge's mother, and his heart warms on her behalf.

They haven't even managed to leave the cars before the silence is broken by shouts in children's voices.

Keith had almost forgotten the concept of children, he hasn't seen a human younger than Pidge for what seems like a lifetime. But the way his eyes mist over with tears is a result of their words.

"Uncle Lance!"

One moment Lance is sitting in the transport and the next he is halfway across the courtyard, his arms full of his family members all crowding around him.

If Keith had known that this was what was waiting for them, he never would have wanted to stay away.

Anything Earth can throw at them is worth it for this.

He gives himself just a moment to watch Lance and his family, safe in the knowledge that an atom bomb exploding couldn't divert his attention from them right now. Lance already has two children who have clambered up his sides as he kneels in the dirt, and there are so many arms and faces surrounding him that it's difficult to discern which limbs belong to which relatives.

But the moment doesn't last long before he's interrupted by a voice behind him.

"Keith?"

He turns, and standing before him is a man with dark brown skin, short brown hair and a hesitant smile.

Keith has spent years repressing what happened at the Garrison, anything that happened before Voltron. But the man in front of him represents half of Keith's happy memories at the Garrison, the rest contained in Shiro.

Keith pulls Adam into a hug before he can get the chance to second guess himself. He knows that he never showed affection this easily as a kid, but he likes to think that the last few years have smoothed out some of his edges.

Adam holds him tight, as if he's afraid to lose Keith again, and Keith hugs him back just as tightly, letting himself sink into the safety and care that Adam has always represented.

Until he spots Shiro over Adam's shoulder.

Something about this feels wrong. Adam shouldn't have greeted him first.

Shiro's slightly-lowered eyebrows tell him something similar, like Shiro is happy, overjoyed, but also worried.

"Keith," Adam breathes, "they never told us you were up there. I thought you were still missing out in the desert somewhere. When the Galra came I thought there was no way…"

"It's okay Adam. I'm back now."

Adam squeezes him tighter, like Keith is the only tether holding him in the world.

"Sam Holt told me that Shir-" Adam's voice breaks, and he stumbles across Shiro's name more than once "- that he was with you. What happened?"

Keith's heart breaks a little for Shiro then. Obviously Adam looked over a sea of faces and glanced over the white hair. In his panic to find his fiancé, in his terror that Shiro wouldn't be among them, Adam had realized all his own fears.

"Adam," Keith says, letting his smile seep into his tone, "look behind you."

Keith sends Shiro a reassuring smile as Adam cranes his neck so dramatically that Keith's surprised he doesn't injure himself.

By the time Keith registers that Adam has let him go he's already standing a foot away from Shiro, his eyes open wide.

"Takashi?"

"Adam, I'm so sorry-"

Shiro's words are cut off as Adam throws his arms around him. Keith can't hear what they're whispering to each other, but he sees a smile break through Shiro's tears.

 He leaves them to have their moment together, instead moving towards where Hunk is introducing Allura Coran and Romelle to Iverson. As the Black Paladin it probably should have been Keith's job to do so, but Hunk's always been better  at diplomacy than Keith, so it's probably for the best.

Hunk asks about his own family, and Keith's heart breaks for Hunk when he receives a negative response. After all this time, Hunk deserves to see his family again. He deserves the reunion that Keith just had with Adam.

Later, as Hunk hugs Keith with all the care and tenderness one would expect, Keith wonders how Hunk didn't already know that Keith would come with him to rescue them, how Hunk ever thought Keith would let him go this alone.

Keith has been alone. He never wants another member of his team to be.

* * *

 

Keith hears himself scream Lance's name from across the room.

He hears his sobs from another reality, because this can't be his.

His reality can't not have Lance in it. He can't lose Lance like this. He can't lose Lance as a reverberating explosion and then static through the comms.

For the first time, Keith clings to his vision, as proof that this can't be real.

_You have to be alive for our conversation Lance,_ Keith reasons to empty air, to a ghost. _You can't be dead when you leave me._

Perhaps it's the universe's warped lesson on perspective. If it is, Keith is willing to say he was wrong. He's willing to beg. He's willing to hear that conversation a thousand times more if it means that Lance is alive to have it.

It's only when he hears the slightest of noise through the comms that Keith realizes he's still screaming Lance's name on a loop.

He tries to force himself to stop, but he can't manage it until he hears a reply in his ear.

"Keith."

It's haggard and sounds painful. It's probably the most beautiful thing Keith has ever heard.

"Lance! Are you okay?"

"Affirmative team leader." Lance has to pause to cough twice, and Keith should really tell him to save his voice, but he can't bring himself to say anything that will stop Lance's assurances that he's fine. "Red's got my back."

Keith doesn't answer for a moment, too relieved to even notice that he probably should.

"The sixth base is out of commission," comes James Griffin's voice instead, knocking Keith out of his stupor.

It feels strange, off-putting to hear someone other than his team through the comms. There are too many voices in his head now.

"Affirmative, let me and Red just get this one real quick," Lance says, and Keith almost offers his help. But he knows that Lance would take it badly, would take it as some sign of weakness on his part.

So Keith sits back for a moment and lets Lance be a hero. A few moments later, the Red Lion burst up through the atmosphere and to their rendezvous point.

"Lance", Keith whispers to the emptiness of his cockpit, as if he has a private comm line open between them, "I'm glad you're okay."

There isn't much of a respite before Galra fighters swarm them. Keith turns to face them his hope renewed, his energy restored.

He will finish this fight. He will keep his team safe.

None of them may ever consider Keith their family. Lance may never see Keith as more than a friend, if that. Lance may still leave, but for once this doesn't lessen the strength building up in Keith's veins.

Lance may call Keith the future, but Lance is _his_ future.

In whatever capacity Keith can get him.

* * *

 

Keith opens his eyes, slowly and with difficulty. The fight is won, and his quintessence is all but spent. The rope tethering Keith to this world is weak. It would be easy for Keith to slip away.

Keith holds on.

He wants to open up a comm line to the rest of his team, his family, to see that they're okay, but his arms won't obey his commands. His mind isn't currently strong enough to force them.

But really, he doesn't need to.

The aftermath of Voltron is still tingling across his skin, and he can feel their threads, a hairs breath away. Too far for him to affect in his weakened state, he can't reach out and strengthen them, can't tie them together to ensure that no one comes undone.

He tries, sluggishly, his own thread barely moving. It seems to take eons to get halfway towards the closest one, red wool wound around a blue center, frayed but holding together, and even then as he reaches out the distance feels the same as ever.

 But it's enough to feel them, weak as they are. He lets the feeling, the assurance that they're still here, still together wash over him as his eyes ease themselves closed.

* * *

 

Keith knows that they probably still won't be released from the Galaxy Garrison hospital anytime soon (not least of all because the growing number of people the Garrison is housing means that there aren't really any other free rooms they can use anyway) but the team have healed enough to wander the hospital from room to room, to spend their time playing cards around Pidge's bed or eating together in Allura's room. As such, Keith isn't surprised to see Lance walk into his room like he belongs there.

The look on his face though, makes Keith still. That and the fact that he's alone.

"Hey mullet," Lance says, and Keith can't really begrudge any nickname that sounds so fond, "can I talk to you about something?"

Keith puts aside the book he's reading, a fantasy series that he'd loved as a child which Lance had mocked and then asked to borrow.

"Sure, what's on your mind?"

Keith expects Lance to walk forward and sit down in the chair beside his bed. Or perhaps on the edge of his bed, if what he wants to talk about is personal. He doesn't expect Lance to fidget by the door, not meeting Keith's eyes.

"The sun's about to set," Lance says, "do you think we could go up to the roof while we talk?"

Oh.

At least now Keith knows the reasoning for why they were up on the roof in the vision. The only of their rooms to have a view of the sunset is Allura's, and while Keith enjoys rising with the sun, he knows that Lance misses seeing the afternoon sun, misses sitting on his family's deck with a book and the sun fading to darkness before him.

But the context doesn't prevent the anvil that drops on his chest. The conversation will happen. Just the way he saw it.

Lance will leave the team and Keith has run out of time to stop it.

"Sounds good."

Keith forces the words out of his mouth and climbs out of bed to follow Lance. He could make Lance to stay here, but it won't change what Lance is going to say.

If this is the last thing Lance will ask of him as a member of team Voltron, then Keith refuses to deny him.

They take the stairs to the roof slowly, Lance wincing occasionally when he puts too much weight on his injured leg, Keith trying to avoid the dizzy spells that come from raising his heart rate too far above resting.

Keith sees Lance settle in the exact position he did in the vision, and Keith sits across from him, filling the space he remembers as his. He's closer than he would have let himself sit a week ago, but he reasons that Lance knows. The game is up, when he loses Lance he wants it to be as a friend, not a stranger.

Lance watches the sun inch further away for long moments, and Keith crosses his arms, finding some small comfort in the pressure against his chest.

Eventually Lance turns to face him.

He's wearing that terminal smile.

"Keith, I can't go with you."

Keith was expecting it, but it still knocks the air from his lungs, it still sends his mind reeling into a state of panic.

Nightmares don't become any less scary when they become real.

"Please Lance. You're Voltron's right hand. The team needs you, we can't do this without you-"

Keith knows that the plan is over, the exact antonym of a success, so he doesn't hold back. If he can't convince Lance to stay as himself, for himself, then the only thing he has is to appeal to Lance's sense of duty.

But Lance cuts him off anyway.

"This isn't about Voltron, Keith. I mean, the fact that there are six of us means that I know I can stay. That you can manage without me. But that's not the reason why I can't come with you."

"Then what-" Keith asks as almost a reflex, before he has the chance to stop himself. He knows the answer. He doesn't want to hear Lance say it out loud. He doesn't want this conversation to follow the path of the vision.

But perhaps trying to escape this conclusion is like trying to escape fate.

Lance sighs, as if he is also trapped here against his will. Keith uses the brief respite to take in Lance's face, promising himself that it won't be the last time.

"Unrequited love is messy, Keith. It never goes well. It could tear the team apart." Lance rubs his arm, and Keith unconsciously leans forward. He stops himself an inch too late, and Lance looks at him with startled eyes. Keith shrinks back, and Lance's gaze hardens in something approaching resignation.

"I can't - I can't come," Lance continues, "not with things the way they are now."

_Would you really leave the entire team just to get away from me, Lance?_ Is what Keith wants to ask, but Keith knows that making Lance angry will just make him more likely to do the exact opposite of what Keith wants out of spite.

Instead he goes for the safe approach. One he already knows won't work.

"Allura understands-" Keith says, because everything about her tells Keith that she does understand. Or she would, if she knew. 

"This isn't about Allura. This is about me and you."

And Keith finds himself staring into Lance's eyes, at the furthest point he's ever gotten. He's seen the vision, relived it countless times, come up with every possible plan, and he's still left here with absolutely no idea what to do.

He clenches his arms tighter around himself, because he can't feel Lance's, will never get to feel Lance's.

"Lance, team Voltron, we've gotten through so much together. We can get through this."

Lance looks away.

"I'm not sure if I can," he whispers to the sliver of the sun still visible over the horizon.

"So what: you're going to leave the whole team behind? You'll leave Pidge and Hunk and Coran and Shiro just to get away from me?" Keith tries to keep any harshness out of his tone, but Lance winces nonetheless.

"You're going to leave Allura behind?" Keith asks.

"I _told_ you this wasn't about Allura," Lance bites back, "my family is here-"

"You said this was about you and me," Keith says, desperate to not let Lance talk himself into leaving, "and _I'm_ telling you that the team needs you."

Lance scoffs.

"Shiro's back for good now. The team doesn't need both of us," he says.

And suddenly this scene feels familiar for a whole other reason. A whole other conversation with Lance, after a different Shiro's return. A conversation with finger counting and too many pilots.

Keith knows he won't be able to placate Lance with some half-baked joke about math and Pidge this time.

But it does remind him of how they fixed that problem last time. How he'd had to be without Lance, but the rest of the team hadn't.

_"You left Keith."_ Keith remembers Lance spitting at him. _"Maybe you should have just stayed away."_

"Then I'll join the Blade again," Keith says quietly, confidence and resignation growing in equal measure.

"What? No, Keith, you-"

"They need members, now more than ever. You can stay with the team and I'll go with the Blade and everything will be fine."

Lance moves forward, grasping Keith by the elbow. When Keith looks at him this time Lance meets his gaze.

"No Keith." Lance says, his voice set, a hint of panic beginning to poke through. "I won't make you do that."

"Why not? It would work. You were fine without me last time-"

"Keith," Lance tightens his grip and begs, "no. Don't."

Keith feels the bravado that had just been building up dissipate with Lance's words. All his walls seem to fall away at once, leaving him exactly as he is. A 'leader' with no idea what to do, with no plan, about to lose one of the few people he cares about. One of the few people he can't handle losing.

"Quiznak Lance," he all but whispers, cursing himself when he feels a rebellious tear escape the confines of his eyes and make its way down his cheek, "they're _my_ feelings. If one of us has to leave just let it be me."

Keith drops his gaze to the floor. He feels Lance let go of his arm, and he waits for the sound of footsteps. He waits for Lance to leave, for the last dredges of light to leave the world in a lonely night.

Instead he feels a hand wipe the tear from his cheek. He feels a hand on his chin coaxing his gaze upwards with a gentleness that a life in foster care and then in the middle of a war have left Keith unprepared for.

He can't help but follow it, until he's looking at Lance, who has the most hesitant smile peeking its way into the corners of his lips.

"The unrequited love I was talking about," Lance says, so softly that Keith isn't sure how he can hear the words so clearly, "was my feelings for you."

Keith chokes on air. He coughs frantically, one hand covering his mouth, as his lungs try to dislodge the nothing that's currently caught in his throat.

Lance rubs a hand across his shoulder blades, and Keith forces the words out before he's even started to recover. He can't let Lance live another moment without hearing them.

"They're not unrequited," he croaks, as Lance tells him to take it easy. Keith keeps repeating it, over and over, until Lance pulls him closer and reassures him that he knows, he knows now Keith, it's okay, he knows.

It's dark by the time Keith can breathe easily again, and by then the conversational tension is lying dead on the floor.

Lance laughs as they both just breathe, reveling in the aftermath. Then he leans over and picks up Keith's right hand in his left.

Keith entwines their fingers, and tries to memorize Lance's smile. He wishes, more than anything, that he could have seen a vision of this moment, that he could have spent months reliving this moment.

"So you and Allura aren't…" Keith starts, his desire to clear the air outweighing his desire to hold this in his hands forever.

"No," Lance says, "I had a crush on her, and I still care about her. But we both agreed that we're better as friends. Besides, even when I was thinking about her, it was always kind of just trying to get over someone else."

Keith smiles, and this time he doesn't try to hide it. Lance brushes the knuckles of the hand not currently holding Keith's against Keith's cheek. Keith lets himself lean into it, he starts to let himself believe that he can have this.

Somehow, at the end of everything, he gets to have this.

"I've liked you for three years," Keith says, "ever since the bonding moment."

"I've liked you since I first saw you fly back at the Garrison. ," Lance retorts, "so I guess I win?"

"You were in denial, it doesn't count."

"Like hell it doesn't, Keith," Lance says leaning into Keith's personal space the way he has in so many of their past arguments.

This is the first time both of them pause. This is the first time Keith inches his free hand to rest in Lance's hair. This is the first time both of them lean in. This is the first time they kiss in the moonlight.

When they pull away Lance sighs like the main character in a romance novel, and huffs when Keith laughs at him.

He lets go of Keith's hand, and instead starts carding through Keith's hair with enthusiasm tempered by care.

"I've always wanted to get my hands on your mullet," Lance says, scrunching up his nose as he continues his exploration, "how do you keep it so soft? I never would have believed you know what conditioner is, let alone use it."

Keith should push him off, but he doesn't particularly want to. The circular motion of Lance's hands feels nice, and the touch reassures him that Lance isn't going anywhere.

"I always knew you had a thing about my hair," he grumbles instead.

Lance lowers his face so that it's level with Keith, even as his hands continue their movement.

"Untrue," Lance says with a grin, "although I am pretty fond of the boy it's attached to."

Keith thanks the darkness for covering up his blush, but the way Lance winks at him suggests that it might have been less successful than Keith thought.

Neither know exactly how long they stay on the roof. Eventually Lance's hands release Keith's hair, and instead Keith rubs his thumbs over Lance's knuckles. The night air is quiet, and they sit in silence, one of them occasionally leaning over to kiss the other on the cheek, the forehead, making their way slowly to their lips. They relax together until even their shared body heat can't prevent Lance shivering in his thin hospital gown.

Keith stands, but doesn't drop Lance's hand.

"It's getting late," he says, "I'll walk you to your room."

"What a gentleman," Lance coos at him, threading their fingers together and moving in step with Keith, "although no jacket to lend me? Krolia would be disappointed."

Keith huffs a laugh.

"My only jacket got left on the Castleship," he says, "unless you feel like going on a trip to see if the shack is still standing it sounds like we're stuck sharing yours."

Lance looks away.

"Well," he says, stretching out syllable far longer than necessary, "technically, your jacket may be in the back of the Red Lion."

Keith turns to look at him, and Lance shrugs sheepishly.

Keith hums for a moment in deliberation.

"Let me borrow your jacket for three months and we'll call it even," he says finally.

"Three months?!"

"That's how long you had mine in the back of the Red Lion without telling me."

Lance sighs.

"Fine," he says, "but I get to keep yours."

"That only sounds fair."

Lance pulls him a little closer, and Keith's heart soars at his cheeky grin. It feels like years since Lance has let Keith see him this happy, this uninhibited. It's definitely a sight Keith could get used to.

"I never actually got a chance to wear it," Lance says, "so if anything this is a win for me."

Keith smiles.

"Maybe this time we both get to win."

Lance brings their joined hands up his lips, and his eyes shine joy.

"I like the sound of that."

* * *

 

Keith is sitting in his room, reading a coalition update in the bench seat by his window, when he hears footsteps and feels something soft land on his head, obscuring his vision.

"Head shot!" Lance shouts, and it shouldn't be funny. They've fought too many battles together, Keith has seen too many times how deadly Lance's accuracy can be.

He laughs for a solid minute, before he pulls the fabric from off his eyes.

It's green, and soft. When he looks over at Lance he sees red and white leather wrapped around his shoulders. Keith can't hide his grin, can't hide the love that's surely pouring out of his eyes at seeing Lance wearing his clothes, and he doesn't try to.

He's allowed to be honest in the places that Lance can see now.

Lance moves closer, and greets Keith with a kiss. It's short and chaste, but so, so nice. It's so much more than Keith ever thought he'd get.

"Do you want to go up to the roof?" Keith asks. There's no sunset to watch right now, but the mid-morning sun would be almost as pleasant. Keith used to hate and fear the Galaxy Garrison roof in equal measure, but it's become one of his favorite places overnight.

Lance sits down across from Keith, and pulls his legs onto the seat so that their knees are touching.

"I don't know," Lance says, "I'm pretty comfy where I am right now."

Keith chuckles, and puts his tablet aside so that he can hold Lance's hand.

They lapse into comfortable silence and Lance smiles so fondly Keith can feel warmth spread from his chest all the way to his fingertips. He wonders if Lance can feel the extra heat through his hands.

"I'm sorry I was so distant when I got back," Keith says.

He half expects Lance to brush it off like it doesn't matter, but Keith wants the chance to explain. He wants to ensure that Lance knows that it was all a misunderstanding and not anything Lance did.

Lance pauses, but fortunately he doesn't try and mask his frown with nonchalance.

"What was up with that?" He asks, quiet, "I thought we were getting closer and then you just pushed me aside. I thought you were…"

Lance doesn't finish the sentence, but he doesn't really need to. Keith can tell from his tone that he means something negative, and therefore untrue.

Keith rubs Lance's knee with his free hand.

"When I was in the Quantum Abyss," Keith pauses and tries to word it properly, "time collapses close to dark stars. We saw visions of the past, visions of the future."

Lance doesn't look comforted. If anything he looks one step away from heartbroken.

"What did you see?"

"I saw my parents' past, and why my Mom left. I saw my fight with Haggar's clone. I saw our conversation on the roof last night."

Keith squeezes Lance's hand tight to remind himself that it's over, he doesn't have to worry about it.

"I saw you say you were leaving," Keith continues, "but I didn't see the end, so I thought… I knew you could never have unrequited feelings for _me_ so… I thought that if I hid my feelings from you, if you never found out then…"

Lance blushes, but his frown doesn't lift.

"A self-fulfilling prophecy," Lance murmurs, "if you hadn't seen the vision you wouldn't have hidden your feelings and I wouldn't have felt like I needed to leave."

"I'm sorry-"

But Lance seems to snap out of himself then, and when he leans forward his expression is soft.

"It's not your fault Keith-" he brushes his hand through Keith's hair "- it isn't anyone's. If that's what needed to happen for us to sort ourselves out then - for this, right now? I'd go through that a thousand times."

Keith leans into Lance's touch.

"Me too."

Lance grins at him, and presses a kiss to Keith's lips. It feels like a promise.

Keith rubs his thumb across Lance's knuckles.

"Now put on your jacket," Lance admonishes, his face only a few inches from Keith's, picking up the green fabric that's still sitting in Keith's lap, "it's cold out, you'll catch your death."

"We're literally in a temperature controlled hospital Lance," Keith says, but he shrugs it on, difficult as it is in the cramped space.

It smells like Lance, and Keith knows instantly that he won't last the full three months. As soon as this loses Lance's scent, he's going to want to swap back, at least for a day or two so he can experience it again.

When Keith looks back to Lance his face is bright red.

"What?" Keith asks, a smirk spreading across his face, because he already knows.

"Nothing," Lance says, his blush growing, "you just look good, that's all."

Keith leans forward.

"Do you like me wearing your clothes?"

"Do you _not_ like me wearing yours?"

Lance lets out an embarrassed laugh which pulls Keith right along with him. They take a minute when neither of them can look at the other, and they come to a silent agreement not to discuss how red they both are.

Of course, it's at this point that Hunk knocks and enters, when he and Lance are both staring in opposite directions with red cheeks like a couple of grade schoolers.

"Hey guys," Hunk says, grinning in a way that let's Keith know it's at their expense, "we're playing cards in Allura's room. You in?"

"Sure thing buddy, we'll be there in a few minutes."

Hunk waves at them, and gives Lance a badly concealed wink before he wanders down the hall.

Both of them laugh at that.

"I thought that at this point I'd be avoiding the rest of the team so I wouldn't have to tell them I was leaving." Lance says. "I'm glad I'm doing this instead."

Lance smiles at Keith like he thinks what he said should be light-hearted, a joke. But it reminds Keith of something unresolved.

"Lance," he says, "the team would fall apart without you, you know that right?"

Lance frowns.

"Keith you don't need to-"

"Lance," Keith cuts him off with a hand on his knee, "please."

Lance sits and waits for Keith to muster up the words to continue.

"The team needs you Lance, and this isn't just Keith saying that to the boy he likes. This the pilot of the Black Lion saying that to the pilot of the Red Lion. I'm not letting my feelings cloud my judgement when I say that without you no one would call me out when my decisions have a glaring hole that I haven't seen. No one would have the skill to protect us from long range when we're pulling a strategic manoeuvre. 

"Without you I would have tried to take out an entire hangar of Galra fighters by myself on the Balmera and gotten myself killed. Without you Hunk would have stayed mind controlled by the Baku and when we found him it may have been too late. Without you Allura wouldn't have had the confidence to break through Haggar's trap at Naxzela."

Lance is quiet as he asks, "you know about that?"

"The team talks, Lance. The same way that you know about Allura's trial with the White Lion or my missions with the Blade. We know all the amazing things that you've done and continue to do for us. We just didn't know that you didn't."

Lance looks down, and wipes at his eye.

"The team needs you too Keith," Lance says, "you think I didn't notice you offering yourself up to leave instead of me?"

"The team has survived without me-"

"And they would survive without me," Lance cuts him off, his voice firm, "but the team needs both of us to be whole."

Keith smiles, disgruntled that Lance is disagreeing with him, but pleased that he seems to have caught the meaning of the conversation nonetheless.

"You're right," Keith says, and Lance's answering grin makes Keith think that Lance has a comeback that he doesn't use.

Instead, he stands and offers Keith his hand.

"Hey Keith?"

Keith leans forwards and takes it.

"Yeah?"

Lance pulls him up and off the chair, so they're standing closer than they really need to. He leans his forehead against Keith's and closes his eyes with a sigh.

"I'm not going anywhere."

**Author's Note:**

> "So does this mean you're not coming to play cards with us, or...?"
> 
> "You _ass_."


End file.
